Have you ever noticed the rules of plane travel? It's an intriguing segment of social psychology. I may write a brief how-to guide. Here's the outline of the chapters:
1. Ritual of boarding
only when it's your turn
look at people but don't meet eyes
fashion parade and the joy of human variety
2. Strategic bag placement in the overheads
for accessibility during flight
for protecting delicate contents
for rapid deplaning
little people with very heavy bags
3. Aisle sitters and window sitters -- and those poor folks stuck in between
talkers, readers, sleepers, workers, ipodsters and how to deal with each
close quarters but no touching (we hope)
4. Announcements and other ritual news
in case of a loss of cabin pressure
emergency aisles and whether you feel you can accept the responsibility
flotation devices over Kansas
5. The refreshment cart and other signs of hope
passing the cup
art of getting seconds
when it's acceptable to help pass the trash to the aisle
6. The trek to the toilet
how to look cool/professional/sophisticated when you need to go (badly)
tiny spaces: getting stuck, getting bruised
terrorized by inflight flushing
7. Blankets and pillows (finding them, claiming them)
magazine racks, inflight movies, audio for everyone
sanitary earphones
8. Seat backs and tray tables
acceptable use (no, you can't stack your stuff on my table!)
in case of broken tables/ seat backs/ lopsided cushions
full and upright positions
seatbelt extenders
9. Inflight magazines (and the ubiquitous Sky Mall catalog!)
what is the airline really telling me?
do you work the crossword or leave it for the next passenger?
10. This is your captain speaking
"making up time" -- the physics of flight and time travel
some turbulence (and other euphemisms)
11. Welcome to wherever
orderly disembarking
cell phone cacophony (in unison: "we just landed")
overheads/some shifting may have occurred
why your connecting flight is in another terminal
12. Thanks for choosing us
unclaimed baggage and other psychological problems
1 comment:
4. Announcements and other ritual news
You forgot "basics on how to use a seat belt". Bonus: if you get one of the last remaining cool Southwest flight attendants who realize that these announcements are a joke, you may also get the first part of the announcement which goes something like "if you haven't been in a car since 1963...". Unfortunately, I think the TSA outlawed humor on airplanes sometime around 2003. (Dignity is scheduled to go away around 2009.)
And, while I'm at it, you also forgot "ACU-Sing-Song-type choreography as we explain where the six exits are".
terrorized by inflight flushing
"why is the water blue?"
Ritual of boarding
On some airlines: "sneak looks at the first class passengers to see if they're famous". I'm 0-for-lifetime on this.
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